Monday, June 29, 2009

Clinical Strength Deodorant

Folks...excuse this post...I have a bit of a headache and I'm pretty sure I most certainly am not in my right mind at the moment. I'll get to my BET Awards post later this evening when i'm in the luxury of my apt and not serving time in the office (no really its like a reverse work release situation).

Anywho, I'm sitting here and all I can think about is how I've started using clinical strength Secret and how my armpits literally no longer sweat. Like no moisture at all. Now, I didn't NEED clinical strength deodorant. I was curious and every summer I get paranoid that i'll smell sweaty even though I never do (Note: Tank tops, dresses, halters etc no matter how cute and/or sexy will immediately look terrible if you yourself smell sweaty).

Now, I'm pretty sure this formula is doing some effed up stuff to my sweat glands. I also realized that I never actually read the directions (lets be real its deodorant and its not an actual prescription so what more should I really be doing besides lifting my arm and applying???) so perhaps I am supposed to be sweating but because of my incorrect use of the product other ish is happening.

Regardless, the fact that I'm not sweating IS freaking amazing, but where is the sweat going??

Probably drowning in my own sweat and don't even know it...SMDH

Yes I know...I'm doing the MOST!

Doing the MOST @ the BET Awards

A few years ago I made a silent vow to myself to never watch the BET awards again. But with the untimely passing of MJ and the reports that the whole show would be in MJ's honor with a star-studded tribute I why not.

Folks, I was really proud of BET when the show initially came on (literally the first 5 min) BUT I also knew that pride wouldn't make it the full 4 hours. And so within 10 minutes of being on air I already had started a list of doing the MOST. Here they are in order of appearance:

#1 Tyra Banks and her wig...In Tyra's eyes, the lacefront wig IS the best thing ever invented. Tyra...WE ALL KNOW ITS FAKE. YOUR NOT FOOLING ANYBODY!!!!

#2 Jamie Foxx not knowing the show was back from commercial break. This actually happened more times than is acceptable during the show.

#3 Keri Hilson...I love her...I really do her style is awesome but her interpretation of MJ dance moves and her entire set actually were more "Grease" than MJ

#4 Neyo...KEEP YOUR HAT ON AT ALL TIMES. Especially if a close up is planned. His head looked like a big milk dud!!!

#5 Snoop Dog...what is your life about??? Dancing around on stage in a hot a$$ knee length leather jacket and a stocking cap. He looked like a crackhead!

#6 and #7 both go to TPAIN...The WHOLE damn bottle of Nuvo, really...seriously. And the "BIG ASS CHAIN"...DOING THE MOST!!!

#8 Tiny and Toya. I'm not even going to elaborate on this. Just damn ridiculous!!!

#9 Not saying the freaking nominees BEFORE announcing the winner. It would have been nice to know who else was up for the award BET. I know you were pressed for time but damn!

#10 BEYONCE...I am a fan but did you not get the memo that the nite was MJ themed not a chance for you to give us a snippet of the I AM...Sasha Fierce concert.

#11 Taraji P Henson and her wig. Clearly she has the same hair stylist as Tyra.

#12 "She can take me this recession"...LOL...that was cute Mr. Foxx

#13 Uncle Al the front to Joe Jackson. I'm really not feeling Uncle Al these days.

#14 Keyshia Cole and her capris. I don't want to see anyone but peeps my moms age and older in capris this summer. Its 2009 folks let the capris go!!

#15 Showing the folks sitting in the nosebleed seats. OK OK yes Ray Ray and Bonquisha we see you now sit your ass down and get out of the camera...OH Hell... now you have knocked the camera man down...SMDH

#16 By far the best part of the show and doing the MOST at its greatest..Don Cornelius. I swear this segment reminded me of a family reunion. Tonight, your drunk uncle who likes to tell the loooooooooong stories that are completely off subject and have no point will be played by Don Cornelius. Oh the Hilarity. Did they even have the teleprompter up for him...cause CLEARLY the story was not on there.

#17 Tonight your Uncle who still smokes weed at age 60 and likes to swear and makes no apologies for it will be played by Eddie Levert..."People were dancing and shit"..."My name is Eddie and this is what I do". Classic.

#18 Tiny accepting the award on TI's behalf...."And you still the king baby". Sit your country behind down PLEASE. Some folks just shouldn't be allowed to speak in public.

#19 Young Money singing "Every Girl" about having sex with every girl in the world while Lil Wayne's preteen daughter and friends danced around Drake....WTF moment indeed


So there you have it folks...a broken vow just to be let down. I'm officially done with BET and it's award shows.

Friday, June 26, 2009


Hmmmm...should I get philosophical and talk about how Mike's death is bigger than me and you and that it just goes to show that no day is promised so live it up and don't sweat the small stuff...done and done now I can proceed with my usual rants....

First of all folks, I found out MJ had passed because I was at a client meeting where a collegue who was needed on the phone to explain something to the client basically hung up on us (the client...folks...he hung the fuck up on the client) NEVER called back. Just sent an email 20 min later like "Sorry but Michael Jackson just died". Now I'm not trying to belittle the magnitude of MJ's death but SERIOUSLY...can you maintain an ounce of professionalism in your grief. Is that asking too much??!!

I watched CNN for about an hour and a half last night but got frustrated after Al Sharpton thought it was appropropriate for him to basically have a press conference in Harlem. WHO THE HELL CALLED UNCLE AL??!! MJ's death wasn't a matter of civil rights or some racial injustice ( know what I'm not going to even go there). I really questions his motives. I'm starting to think that he uses the suffering of others to promote himself. Why he couldn't just issue a statement like other people baffles me.

I've decided I'm going to avoid watching the many specials that will air through the weekend. Like everyone else I'm shocked and saddened by the news and I'll listen to his music non stop for the next week but the constant focus on death is overkill. I just hope the media maintains some sort of respect. I hope they do the MOST in a positive way because thats what MJ deserves. There will never be another entertainer like him...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Racist or Pervert....hmmmm

Its only effing 10:30 in the morning and already folks are at work acting a damn fool!!! So everything in advertising has to be passed by someone in legal. We have this in house person, we'll call him Hop (because his actual name is something similar and equally dumb as hell). Hop's sole job is to review work and say if he thinks there will be any legal issues. He's about 55 and white (I feel like that kinda goes without saying as white, male, 45-50 is like a requirement to be a "senior" executive).

I stop by, Folks I don't get as much as the tips I've my pretty manicured toes in the door before this bastard looks at me up and down and says "Ummm...I don't have time right now come back later"

...I'm sorry what...WHAT THE HELL IS IT THAT YOUR DOING EXACTLY? Your just sitting there.

So I'm like, "Ok...what time?"

"Ummm...2PM" folks he doesn't check a calendar or anything...just arbitrarily throws out WTF?

Now, I've seen Hop interact with other people in the halls...and he always seemed to be pretty friendly with these other people. The most notable and recent is my new intern. She's been here a cool 2 weeks. Shes white, about 5'5" petite build with HUGE boobs.

so I did a little experiment...I called my intern and asked her to go by Hop's office...

Surprise, surprise he suddenly had a free moment to take a look at the docs and chat.

Fucking bastard.

Racist or pervert...1 of the 2...

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Mark Sanford...What is your life about???!!!

In case you haven't heard, the Governor of South Carolina thought he could go missing for a few days and not tell anyone of his whereabouts. Told nobody... not even his wife and 2 kids. Seriously Mark, seriously? You really thought you could just drop your responsibilities as Governor, husband and father (over FATHERS DAY at that) and just be gone???

Did it not occur to this man that he is a public official and I don't know...maybe people would wonder where he was and maybe start looking for his dumbass??? Apparently, it didn't because he was "taken aback by all of the attention this trip has gotten"...WTF dude...what world do you live in???!!!

So initially his communication director was lying for him saying he was hiking the Appalachian trail (what kind of excuse is that???). So where was the good governor of SC...

I originally thought that perhaps he had a drug problem or was involved in some other sorta illegal activity.

Nope...just your average bicontinental affair...

WHO DOES THAT???!!! I mean I've heard of people taking their mistress from the US to another country but meeting someone that actually lives in the country...DOING THE MOST. And he didn't even bother to have a decent excuse/alibi!!!

I don't get it folks. I really just don't get it...

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

As usual stuff happens to me that are so rodonculos that it seems as if its scripted...This time a man (apparently my fairy godfather) paid me a visit. So clearly, I'm over my job and corporate America in general (as apparent from my many posts about the subject). Recently its been 20 times more frustrating than usual. So I've been thinking about whats next and what not.

Anyway, Monday night I got home and ran to the bodega to get a snapple (this all has do do with the story I on my way there this old man (like 60) was standing outside of 1 of the other brownstones. Just standing there folks. Not moving, not talking. Just leaned up against the fence a lil bit. I was on the phone with my mom and just walked by not paying him much attention (outside of noticing that hes standing there) i thought he was waiting for someone to come out so i go about my business. On my way back to my apt,hes walking down the block towards me, im not on the phone

hes like

"excuse me"

I say, "hi"

He says, "Can I give you this?" and hands me this business card

Its a basic peach colored card with the words nam myoho renge kyo on it...Now I'm thinking "Oh shit!!! Is he casting a spell or putting a hex on me??"

He proceeds to explain to me that I have great potential but im not reaching it and that the phrase is a buddist chant that helps unlock your destiny etc etc

Clearly I'm in shock at this point because I'm in disbelief that this is happening and still thinking he could be putting a curse on me.

I just say, "Thank you"

the guy is like "No, thank you. I expect great things from you" and the just walks away...

Who else does this stuff happen to??!!!!

So lets say it was my fairy godfather...I'm pretty sure its safe to say that hes a tad bit disappointed in what I'm doing with myself. LOL...he basically said "your doing the least get yourself together"... If only he had said those exact words...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

NBC..."Can I Get A" as intro music...seriously...

Again with folks acting out... No, NBC, it was not ok to use Jay-Z "Can I Get A" as intro music for a presidential tv special. Might as well do a bio of Obama with "Juicy" by B.I.G as the trailer music!! AND if we HAVE to use a hip-hop song for an Obama special...Imma need people to use "Swagga Like Us". Have I not said that damn near 300 times now!!!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Adding hair to eyebrows...doing the MOST. Naming your child "Haiti"...doing the MOST. Where the hell do these people live???!!!