The Beyonce Experience

I am a Beyonce fan and I am not ashamed to admit it!!! She's a phenomenal performer with a great voice....a few too many runs but a phenomenal singer nonetheless. BUT have you ever seen her in interviews??? Her personality SUX! Everything seems contrived. She reminds me of some sort of living mannequin. All the charisma that she has on stage vanishes. It's sad and kinda pathetic. I wouldn't want to be her friend but then again she probably wouldn't want to be my friend...

Anyway, here is one of my favorite youtube videos. It shows B in all her crazy, charismatic glory. Clearly she's doing the MOST and its hilarious! Enjoy...oh and if you've seen this before, oh well watch it again :0p

WASH YOUR DAMN HANDS...

A coworker sent me a link to an article about "Socialista" in the West Village having a Hepatitis A scare (yup...Doing the MOST). Apparently, one of its bartenders contracted the virus while on vacation. So how exactly is Hepatitis A spread....the article says:

"Hepatitis A is a liver disease caused by a virus. It's spread by putting something in one's mouth (even though it might look clean) that is contaminated with traces of fecal matter from the infected person."

FECAL MATTER FROM THE INFECTED PERSON....

Let that marinate for a lil bit........I'm going to take a deep breath........

The only way...there could possibly be fecal matter on a glass is if the bartender DID NOT WASH HIS DAMN HANDS.

WTF PEOPLE.... W T F!!! We live in AMERICA...not a 3rd world country. We have running water with state-of-the-art plumbing. A BLACK MAN IS ABOUT TO BE PRESIDENT for crying out loud and some nasty people still haven't evolved enough to understand the importance of washing their hands. There is no excuse for not washing your hands.

And while I'm on the topic...this is why the flu is so damn prevalent this season. Spreading like a brush fire....

JUST NASTY!!!

Here's the link if you want to read the article

http://wcbstv.com/local/hepatitis.west.village.2.659882.html

Sllim

How is Meteorology a legit career path...

Work was closed today on account of the snow. Even though I'm happy to be at home, I do think that it is a bit ridiculous that the agency is automatically closed if NYC public schools are closed especially when:

1. Most of the employees don't even have kids
2. Half who do have kids don't even live in NYC
3. The half that do live in NYC and have kids send them to private school

Anyway, how crazy is it that meterologist, people who's job is to predict the weather, can be wrong 75% of the time and not be fired???? I do realize that a great deal goes into their predictions and that meterology is a science but really think about it. The only time of the year that they have a chance at being right is summer...like July and August. Honestly we could all be meterologists at that time...its pretty obvious that its gonna be sunny. If there are clouds...sunny and partly cloudy. Gray clouds...Sunny with a chance of rain. I will cut them slack given that global warming has the planets climates all f***ed up. I'm sure that does make their chances of being right about the weather highly unlikely. That brings us back to the title of the blog...How is it a legit career path. Seems like to me it may be on a downward spiral.

Words of wisdom for the fellas...

Over the past week I've had no less that 5 of my guy friends bring up the "issue" of crazy females. They all can't seem to understand what they have done to end up dealing with a crazy chick. To them, a girl that was perfect in their eyes....attractive...smart....fun to be around...and most importantly SANE suddenly does a 180 and is completely and utterly INSANE. Saying and doing things that are completely irrational and well.....CRAZY.

You've all heard the statement before "Women are unstable creatures". Not true. Women are just flat out emotional. Some moreso then others. I'm not very emotional...I operate on unadulterated logic. Chances are if I can't make something make logical sense...I'm not doing it. Not true for the average female. They are running on pure emotion. It can be dangerous and should not be F***ed with (I could give detailed examples of emotion gone wrong...but I'll refrain).

I'm sure all of the men are shaking their heads in agreement but still thinking "This is not wisdom...I know this already"...riiiiiight.

Somehow when it comes to sex...yall completely forget that females tend to be emotional. Its all fun and games....until she catches feelings. Especially if its good sex. Please note the equation below (some of you should get it tattooed on your hand...kinda like an adult cheat sheet...)

Emotional Woman + Good Sex = CRAZY or simply EW + GS = C

I don't know why this is sooo hard for yall to understand. Usually sex is not just sex to a female. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you can probably get away with having sex (good sex) with a typcal female about 3 times (within a short time frame) before she begins to catch feelings. If you space it out over 3 months....you can possibly get a few more in but this is not guaranteed.

And fellas...if it is good...please do not be fooled...its sex that the woman is obssessed with...not you...sorry :0(

I hope this helps all who have been confused recently. Ladies, I hope your not mad...yall tend to do the MOST...this is for the best.

Be mindful of what your doing in the bedroom folks....

Sllim

This is why I hate Facebook...

I'm in a meeting yesterday in the boardroom. This isn't your normal run of the mill conference room. Its a HUGE glass table with 15 seats and all sorts of state of the art a/v equiptment. I'm at the head of the table with my laptop cause I'm leading the presentation. There is already 7 or 8 people in the room. As my team awaits the arrival of the rest of the attendees, a collegue yells down the table:

"So Sllim, I saw that your status on Facebook is 'no longer single'....."

WTF???!!!! INAPPROPRIATE!!!

Clearly, I had to get my mind right quickly and remember that I am at WORK and that although this broad has decided to be inappropriate that I should not follow suit. So I just say...

"I simply streamlined my profile. Thats all." "I didn't designate any other status option. Just removed that from my profile all together"

This folks, is why I hate Facebook. It enables nosey-ass people to be just that...NOSEY! I've actually considered deleting my Facebook profile for a while. If I knew my senior year of college what I know now about Facebook, I would have NEVER created a profile. It started out as this great "college-only" community. It was all fun and games. Then, suddenly my younger sis, who's in HS, was on...then my old boss...now my client's have profiles. NOT OK! I never had a Myspace page and Facebook without a doubt has become 10 times worst. It's not even fun anymore!!!

And then what makes it sooo bad is that people really take the internet, especially social networking sites, WAAAAAY tooo seriously. stupidGENIUS has an excellent post on his blog about this http://youngplusignorant.blogspot.com/2008/02/people-take-internet-way-too-seriously.html


Sllim

Aretha Revisited

HOT ASS MESS. Imma need for Aretha to do better.

My bed is HOT...

At the risk of coming across as a complete idiot I'm going to share this story with you.

I noticed a welt on my left leg Monday morning in the shower. I'm thinking "hmmm...thats strange...I wonder what that came from". The only thing I've done differently recently was use a new lotion and add an electric blanket to my bed. I'm thinking maybe I'm having an allergic reaction to the lotion or maybe because the blanket was packed away it contianed bed bugs. But the welt didn't itch. So I'm like...maybe i bumped it and dont remember and let it go. Tuesday, I wake up and now theres 1 on my right thigh. Now I'm slightly concerned.

I get to work and share the story with a friend. We talk about the size, shape and location of the welts. I mention the lotion and blanket thing. As we talk and I reveal to him that I dont have the electric blanket OVER me and between sheets and other blankets....noo that would be too much like right...instead I have the electric blanket UNDER the fitted sheet and I'm lying on it (Yup...I'm doing the MOST). He concludes that these aren't bug bites or a rash but are burns.... The "welt" I found on my left thigh followed a night of sleeping on my left side. The "welt" on my right thigh appeared after sleeping on my right side.

Yes folks...I've managed to turn my bed into a plush version of a George Forman Grill and my dumbass is basically an oiled down chicken cutlet! I've done this in past winters with no problem. But now the blanket apparently has a short...sooooo...I basically put it on high fall asleep and god only knows what kind of heat variations happen while I sleep like a log in an empty forest.

The blanket has been removed...

Sllim

Doing the MOST 101

So far I've gotten great feedback from everyone who have been reading. I'm quite surprised but really appreciate the support :0) The comments are AWESOME...however...yall are doing the MOST! I know majority (if not everyone) is a friend or family member...but please refrain from using my name in your comments. I know I'm an open book in life but yall are blowing my spot UP! Lol... So here's the deal...I actually have a pseudonym (look the word up!) Clearly everyone ignored it...lol.. Sllim Thinks Alot. You can call me Sllim. I chose Sllim for 2 reasons. 1 is pretty obvious. 2 is just as obvious if you look carefully... ;0)

I'm going to try not to mention friends in posts. Should I have to, they will also have pseudonyms.

Yes, I know stupidGENIUS...unfortunately. I've gotten a few questions asking if I know him and who he is. FYI...His comments should never be taken seriously...lol...

Keep reading...I'll keep writing.

Remember its Sllim...

The World's Most Talented Crack-Head...

WOOOOOOOOOW...AND she actually performed "Rehab". LMAO. Just say no folks....Just say no....Or maybe not...apparently theres a chance that you will win a Grammy if you say yes....

WTF ARETHA????

I'm watching the Grammy's (right this moment). I love the fact that they paid tribute to soo many legends BUT Aretha.....come on Aretha. Everytime I see her...EVERYTIME ... shes in something unflattering. Not just unflattering but down right offensive. As a viewer I am offended. I completely understand and respect the fact that she's a living legend but so is Tina Turner, so is Patti LaBelle. Neither of them leave the house looking like....................theres not even a proper description for what she looks like. Wait, no there is. HOT ASS MESS!!! I saw a brief shot of Fantasia too....PLATINIUM and BLACK hair....really Fantasia...really. Leave the 2-tone hair to Remi Ma. It's the Grammy's not the Source Awards. HOT GHETTO ASS MESS!!!

Just waiting for the world's most talented crack-head....Amy Winehouse. She wins awards and performs at shows but yet we continually tell children to "Say no to drugs".....Am I the only 1 that sees a problem with this???

"Aye Ma..."

****WARNING: POST MAY ELICIT ANGER IN FRIENDS, FAMILY AND MOST DECENT HUMAN BEINGS. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED****

You've been warned. This post isn't funny...AT ALL

I went for dinner and drinks in Union Square last night with 2 friends. On the walk to the train, a young man approaches me...standing a mere foot away...

"Aye Ma, can I ask you something?"
I don't answer.
"Can I hit that ***** from the back...?" (said in the same manner as someone would say "Hi my name is...")
Look of shock
1 friend says "Is he serious..?"
I say "Hell NO!"...we keep walking...trying to pick up speed
young man proceeds..."I mean, I'm just saying I'd love to feel those *** cheeks smack against my thighs"
Keep walking....trying to ignore...pick up speed
"I'm saying...I can't ****?"
I yell back, "YOU CAN GET SOME ******* COUNSELING!"
he's not done yet..."If I go to counseling, can I **** after"
I yell back.."Do you realize how ******* disrespctful you are??? I've never had anyone say anything this disrespectful to me!"
He yells something unaudible...friends and I keep walking....stop to reflect on the 2 min verbal assualt....

.....I'm speechless....

SOUPER!

I'd like to say that I won't do more than 1 post a day but depending on what happens or what I may think of there may be a need for more than 1.

The story I just thought of required another post immediately. Last Friday I had soup and a grilled cheese delivered for lunch due to inclement weather. Ate the grilled cheese left the soup on my desk to eat throughout the day...or so I thought. I leave my office for I swear no more than 5 min. When I walk back in my officemate is standing at MY desk with paper towels drying wetspots....Folks....there is no logical reason for why she would be over here. We don't share anything...not a stapler, not tape, NOTHING. So I say "What are you doing?" she says back in her thick bulgarian accent (sounds kinda like Russian...filled with sounds as if spit is going to fly out at any moment) "Oh I hacd water and I tripicked and it spilled over here".............again.....we sit a good 3 feet away from each other....there's nothing on the floor for her to trip over. There is a chance that she could be a clutz but since we've shared an office nothing similar has happened. And when I look her desk theres no cup or mug....where the hell did this water come from...is there a leak in our ceiling that I don't know about.. I don't really buy her story but I let it go....UNTIL a strong scent of soup starts to exude from my desk.......I lean down and sniff 1 of the still damp spots on a piece of paper on my desk.....The smell is coming from that spot and a few other damp spots on my desk....I NEVER ATE THE SOUP. So how folks did soup get from the container to the paper? Why was she standing at my desk....YUP...she was EATING MY SOUP...I don't have definitive proof...but all evidence leads in that direction.

Who does stuff like that??? Why would anyone think it was ok to go to someone elses desk in broad freaking daylight, in the middle of the day and sneak soup....

I'm sure there will be those that think I'm drawing wild conclusions. But chick has been know to steal food. I just never thought anyone would be so bold as to attempt something like this when there is a good chance they'll get caught.

This folks is what I deem DOING THE MOST!

"Bitchassness"

For the past month or so I've thrown the idea of blogging around in my mind. To blog or not to blog thats been the question. I mean, I have an opinion on everything...my sagittarrian quality of blunt honesty often generates a few laughs (and sometimes hurt feelings but I have good intentions.....most of the time), I need a hobby and to be quite honest I don't do much at work. But then I would think who would really read my blog? My friends? Do I really want them knowing the crazy thoughts and ideas that run through my head? Then I thought...1...do I really care who reads it? 2....my friends already know me and know my thoughts can be "unconventional" and "abstract". 3....DO I REALLY CARE? And that folks is the bottomline...I don't care....these are just my thoughts do with them what you will.

So the straw that broke the camels back or the thing that threw me overboard was last nights episode of "Making the Band 4" and Diddy's...I mean Sean Jean's* "Bitchassness" speech. This was a CLASSIC moment in modern day TV folks. Nobody publicly humilates people like Mr. Combs*. I mean, Bentley would not be known by anybody if it weren't for his years of public humiliation as a "man servant". I'm sorry but is it just me or does Bentley shows signs of the disease that Diddy* so eloquently spoke of last night. And ummm...at 1 point was he NOT working for Bad Boy???? So the phrase "There will be no bitchassness at Bad Boy" is kinda invalid. Or maybe thats why Bentley is no longer Puffy's* "Man Servant" or maybe this "mandate" is a new 1 for Bad Boy. Hmmm....BUT the next time you watch "Making the Band" and there is a scene in Diddy's* office try to see the picture that is on the bureau to the front and right. Take a look at that and then let's talk about "bitchassness"....

All in all...the speech inspired me to let go of my own "bitchassness" and start this blog. After all "Bitchassness is hurting our community! It's a contagious sickness..."

I'll try to write often...Hope you enjoy....





* I wish I had the luxury of changing my name every 2 years or as I evolve from 1 person to the next...which oddly sounds like a mental disorder but thats a topic for another day.